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I am ashamed of my creative journey.

Or at least I have been. Until now.

For as far back as I can remember I have felt ashamed of who I am. About the things that make me who I am. For the things I want- to travel the world and write- or don’t want- to study, establish a career, settle down. What I want and don’t want has felt like it doesn’t fit the mold of what is acceptable in mainstream society. My life’s purpose lives outside the realms of the traditional paths of study & career. I’m not opposed to a having a day job, but I’ve never identified a long-term vocation that remotely appealed to me to deserve the investment of my time, money and energy. As a result, I am ‘uneducated’ in the traditional sense. I didn’t graduate high school and I have not attended college or university. I have studied writing, in the form of attending many workshops and masterclasses. In this method, I am also a highly skilled circus performer, specializing in advanced level hula hooping.

My doubt isn’t associated with my ability to write or the importance of my stories. My doubt stems from my perceived inability to survive in the mainstream world without a mainstream vocation.

Until now I’ve seen my creative passions and interests as not viable in the ‘real’ world. I questioned how I was supposed to live in the ‘real’ world. I have never believed and trusted that I could survive doing what I do. Not because I doubted that my passions could be monetized. It wasn’t a matter of whether I could do it. It was a matter of whether I should. Whether it was a responsible choice for my life, and as that of a contributing member of society. I have never believed and trusted that I could get by in the world being what I am and doing what I do.

I have spent years trying to put myself in a box into which I do not fit. Ultimately in order to be approved of and accepted by others, whether it be parents, family members, romantic partners or friends.

Today I felt as if I was finally able to start letting go of the shame around my preoccupation with my life’s purpose of being a storyteller.  To start letting go of the fear and guilt around my lack of interest in a ‘traditional’ life path of study and career.

I no longer believe that the pursuit of my passions is irresponsible.

I no longer believe that I am being naive to believe that I will be supported in this pursuit of my life purpose, whether directly or indirectly.

As a creative, as a storyteller, I am worthy of love and connection.

This self-realization- this permission– has brought me to a whole new phase of my creative journey.

Watch this space.

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Daily Writing Inspiration

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There’s nothing wrong with what you want! Stop settling! Dream big! You just need to be willing to actually do the work to create it.

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Feeling Complete In The Pursuit Of Your Goals

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The pursuit of goals is a marathon not a sprint. As an author I often find myself feeling discontent with the daily steps I take toward my larger writing aspirations. Many, many hours can be spent in the pursuit of one’s goal, yet it still feels as if they have only etched the slightest bit closer to the final result. You know what you have done is a positive and progressive step in the right direction, but the niggling notion that it’s not good enough is persistent and rather demotivating. So here are a few tips to reinforce your confidence in your progress, and keep the fire alive for your goal.

  1. Keep A NotebookA tip that I learned in the throes of self-development that has been very helpful. Keep a notebook in which you write down any actions you take in the pursuit of your goal, no matter how big or small. In adding to this ‘journal’ every day, you remind yourself that you are actively and consistently contributing to your goal. During times when you feel deflated and defeated, you can flick through your entries, and remind yourself of all you have accomplished so far.
  2. Set Reasonable GoalsPlan your goals so they are achievable around your daily routine. Quality is better than quantity, after all. For daily tasks, think about three tasks that you would like to undertake, make a list, and tick them off. Any goals which you do not achieve can be carried over to the next available slot in your schedule. The same action can be taken for weekly and monthly goals.
  3. REWARD YOURSELF!Don’t push yourself to work on and on when your mind and body are instructing you to take a break. Take time out to watch a few episodes of your favourite TV series, or take a walk, go to the gym. Have a cup of tea. Set achievable goals, and once they are completed, step away and make a point of finishing the day. Achieve the goal piece by piece, which will also help to give you a sense of completion at each step.The pursuit of goals is made up of periods of action and periods of inaction, and while it may seem like there is nothing happening, these times of inaction can be used for planning. The process can be mentally exhausting, so be sure to put just as much value on rejuvenation. Keep everything in perspective, and remember to celebrate the little things!!

     

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